Why Don't They...?

I hope someone who reads this is a person who is a decision-maker. I am not so I can't make any of these changes that I'm suggesting. It would make my life a lot easier if we did the following :

1. Put Parachutes on Commercial Flights

I'm aware that providing a parachute for every seat is not cost-effective in the long run, and probably wouldn't save a significant amount of lives, but can't they just have 2 or 3 somewhere on the plane for those people who really didn't want to die should the plane unexpectedly lose power in both engines? I would at least feel slightly better about my chances of surviving a crash by jumping out of the plane just before it smacked into the ground. It would also make for one of the greatest stories of survival ever told. Almost as great as the guy who was eaten by a grizzly and managed to survive by eating his friends' remains while trapped inside its stomach, waiting to pass through the digestive tract.

If they won't supply parachutes on flights at least let me bring my own just in case. At the slightest indication that there would be trouble, something innocuous like the lights going out all of a sudden, I'd be the first one to throw open the hatch door and jump to my safety. Better safe than sorry.

2. Stop Calling the "I before E except after C" Rule a Rule

Isn't it obvious that this rule is defunct? It's like saying everyone in North Korea is happy with their lives. Those 'exceptions' who are not are taken to special places for "re-education." I can think of a few words off the top of my head that make this rule obsolete. Thank God our young students don't pay attention in school, otherwise we'd see in the near future printed examples of people using such words. Foreign exchange would become 'foriegn', species a 'speceis'; no more reindeer, just 'riendeer'; we would have 'gieger counters', 'hiers to the throne', blood flowing through our 'viens', unfriendly 'nieghbors'; we would be 'riening in' on injurious firms and 'fiegning' all kinds of injuries. How many more of life's great 'fallaceis' must we endure?

It would be better in my opnion to ignore the human tendency to taxonify and simplify things that should remain in their unhinged, natural and chaotic state. Why must we group things into categories and subcategories for the sake of oversimplification so that the whole of existence can be explained with just one capricious rule? Why are we so afraid to say,

You know what? There's plenty of words where 'I' comes before 'E' and vice versa. You'll just have to live with the fact that there is no rule to make this easier. We cannot mold the world to fit into the models that we have chosen. We all should get on with our lives and learn from experience. It's a tough road because the path is not always clear, but in the end it won't matter anyway.

3. Make fighter jets with missles that can shoot backwards. Then all the pilots won't have to worry about bogeys being on their tails. Or at least mount a machine-gun turret that can rotate 360 degrees.

4. Make books that have words printed on every other page. That way when I'm laying on my side I won't have to change positions when I turn the page. Also making the pages waterproof would be nice.

I can't think of anything else right now, but believe me when I say the list goes on...