Women Running Awkwardly

In the cruel annals of ancient prehistory, Darwin's social maxim of only the strong survive held sway over the lesser barbaric social code we've adopted since the advent of Locke's social contract.

In the streets of New York City I often see young women running to catch the bus or for some other unknown reason, and sometimes I turn to watch them from behind; this is how I determine whether or not the caveman version of myself would choose to date them.

Before you come to your own conclusion about what it is I'm looking at, I'll put your mind to rest by telling you that I judge women by the way they run.

If the caveman version of myself, Alkhar, had to run from a saber-tooth cat or an amphicyonid, I would want my cavewoman wife, Tregnak, to be able to keep in step with me. If she runs like a sloth, I'm not going to feel very good about the chances of my strong genes being passed on to progeny.

Consequently, because we live in Locke's world where humans with weaker physical attributes can pass on their equally weak genes, we end up with what I keep witnessing on a daily basis out on the street.

To all awkward running women:

I'm not saying you deserve to be devoured by Carnotaurus, but if I discover that my future girlfriend runs like a lurch I'm probably going to feel secretly insecure.

And now... some examples of both good and bad running...



Good Runner:


Nice form! Not pigeon-toed or bow-legged. Quick to flight!




Bad Runners:


Flimsy flamingo legs. Maybe stork-like. Easy-to-catch prey. Tyrannosaurus-Rex sees them and he's like, "Awesome..."




Bad Runner #3:



Maybe it just looks awkward because she's posing for this picture template and not actually running.