Saturday, July 18, 2009

Robot Dreams

The population in towns like the one where I currently reside is rapidly dwindling. The government has dispatched teams of researchers and scientists to discover why. I recently was a part of an overnight tour group sponsored by an organization seeking to attract people away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and to acquaint them with the serenity of life in Japan's countryside.

Taisho told me that young people from Tokyo, Hiroshima, Osaka, etc. would be present, but he does have a tendency to exaggerate. I was part of a legit 'Tour Group' in every sense of the word when most of us hear that phrase. We had a couple in their 50's, a few unmarried women in their late 30's early 40's, an retired man who wore a fanny pack, a 62 year old dude who biked from the next ken over (approx. 300 km), and me.

When Taisho saw the make-up of the group I was apart of he gave me his cheeky look that said 'my bad, I thought there would be young people'. He then hopped into his car and sped off laughing after he told me he'd pick me up tomorrow.

The tour actually turned out to be quite nice. We went to a place that makes traditional Japanese paper, and I got to make my own sheet. Whenever you get to make something yourself, it doesn't really matter what it is, that object immediately becomes what I like to call a badass life token.

Then we climbed up a mountain to a shrine to have dinner. Of course there was alcohol. Of course by chance I sat across from the one dude who would teach me how to be a proper drinker, the 62 year old guy who rode his bike from Tottori ken. After we toasted he downed his beer in about 3 sips and smiled at me. I tried to keep up with his pace but struggled. Before the end of one hour we had finished 5 beers, and then he reached for the Shochu (Japanese whiskey).

I ended up losing to this guy who was a salaryman for Asics for 30 years, and now drives cabs part time in Osaka. He has enough money to do whatever he wants but prefers getting permanent bruises on his ass from riding his bike all the damn time. I confirmed this when we went into the Onsen (public bath) after dinner.

That night I had a strange robot dream. I can't really credit my sleeping brain alone for coming up with this idea. The alcohol helped me sleep through the night which is good if you want to see the crazy stories that you dream about actually resolve themselves. The robot story is probably from the remnant of an Isaac Asimov short story that I might have read some time ago.

In the near future they invented the first advanced robot that worked in office buildings and could do simple tasks like retrieving the mail, going on deliveries, and stocking the kitchen among other things. He would also respond to human commands like 'Tell me the weather forecast' or 'What's the spot price for one troy ounce of gold in the commodities market'. Reporters often followed him everywhere to ask him random questions in order to pick his artificial brain and get a sense of his demeanor.

He would politely correct people who would unintentionally call him a cyborg, and he amicably demonstrated a capacity for humor when a reporter asked him if he could dance. Among other moves that he expertly performed like a young Michael Jackson (rip) high on acid, he said 'This one I call 'the human'', and everyone laughed. They laughed because a robot did a dance called 'the human'. I can't really perform the dance myself, but in my head I see it perfectly. It's a combination of the Michael Jordan victory walk and the Twist.

Sadly, they shut him down the instant he responded to the question 'Do you dream?' He said yes and everyone was afraid that he would try to enslave the human race one day, which was probably somewhere within his faculty.

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