A Cartoon I Made

The first of probably a few...

Notice the craftsmanship in the drawing. I'm getting a Mac pretty soon so it will look much better as time goes on. Please be patient. If the print is a little small to read click on the picture and it will take up the full screen.

Funny Pictures

FUCKIN' MONEY

I saw this sign on a building in Shimonoseki on my way to the immigration office to buy a re-entry visa. Since this store only accepts 'fuckin' money!' I felt dejected about not being able to go in because I only had regular money.

SAVE THESE WOMEN

Waiting for the loafing assholes in the comfy chairs to get up while inside the 5-story Starbucks in Fukuoka, I found a Japanese magazine and started thumbing through it. When I saw this ad for a new wonder pill I said to myself it's about time a company came out with a pill for people who are starving to death.

I looked closer.

It was a weight loss pill. Apparently the magazine publisher considers the woman on the far left as overweight hence the 'Before' caption on the upper left. The emaciated figure on the far right is the successful result of using this medication.


More photographic evidence of this pill's ability to slowly drain the life out of whoever uses it. Look and you can see smaller close-ups of the woman's backside. Just when I thought the ass on the far left couldn't get any smaller I saw the one on the far right. I find it odd that a Japanese man will find this attractive while I on the other hand would offer her some protein. I would however agree with the Japanese man that I should definitely take this woman out for dinner.

A nice ad slogan for this pill should be, "guaranteed to make your ass disappear into nothingness..."

SOCCER TEAM PARTY

The Goalie


He looks like a character straight out of Japanese Anime.

The Team (minus Flick)



The only time you will ever see me flashing the peace sign for a photo. I was drunk and forgot what I was doing.

ALWAYS USE PROTECTION

I was hungover one morning and decided to climb a mountain. On the way up a tree had fallen across my path. This photo proves that even trees can catch STDs from unprotected sex with other trees.

No Reservations

During another party thrown by my English teaching colleagues, I was subjected to having to eat an entirely authentic Japanese meal. This means that everything we ate either came from the sea or was a derivative of the rice grain.


I ate "Odorigui" which is roughly translated into English as 'dancing fish'. The waitress brought a small white bowl and inside were these 2 inch long, translucent fish that were swimming around completely oblivious to what was about to happen to them. You scoop these poor little creatures with a strainer-like device into a little bowl with special sauce, and while they are still alive you grab as many as you can with your chopsticks and put them inside of your mouth. I sat with my cheeks puffed while these guys flopped this way and that inside of my mouth, and then I began to chew. I'm still unsure as to whether or not this constitutes animal cruelty, but once you work all the little guys into a nice pasty texture, it tastes exactly like sashimi. I've heard that some Japanese people like to put them in their beer just before downing a glass.

Apart from eating creatures while they are still alive, I ate several different variations of dishes that were made of fugu. If not cut properly by licensed chefs, one could die from the toxins that these fish secrete from their liver. Since I am able to write this account, the expertise of our sushi chef has been once again thoroughly exemplified.


In this photo you see the head sticking directly up, with several slices of meat artistically layered onto a wooden board. The teacher sitting next to me, Tsukuda-sensei, jokingly tells me in Japanese, "Atama ga oishii yo" (the head is delcious!). For the split second before everyone else started laughing, I actually believed him.

The last dish was cooked in a nabe pot, and this is where I had one of my many 'only in Japan' moments. I picked up a strange looking piece of something that looked like fish meat and ate it. I should've known it was a mistake because the other teachers had already split the same looking piece of meat into several pieces, and I immediately understood because its flavor was absoltely potent! An explosion of flavor took place inside of my mouth that I am still unable to describe in words, and it was until I asked what the hell I just ate that I finally understood. Fukuda-sensei sitting across from me uttered something unintelligible in Japanese, and when Isotani-sensei who was sitting next to me said, "it's where the sperm comes from," I realized I had just eaten an entire sackful of fish sperm. Often times I wonder how many opportunities like this I have left in the remaining 4 months.

Hagi High School Graduation

Japanese high schools across the nation all hold their graduations on or around March 1st, and me being a Japanese high school teacher, I was cordially invited (ordered) to attend. I was told to come in at about 8 AM, the time which I usually show up for work. The day before March 1st being a Friday, this proved to be much more difficult than I could've imagined.

A friend of mine is an exchange student who lives with one of Hagi's most wealthiest and well-known families, and since this friend was leaving in a few days, I was allowed to come to the sayonara bash that was to be held in his honor. There would be wine, beer, liquor, sushi, other various dishes, I thought. but what sealed my decision to attend was that remembering the other parties that were thrown, the host father, Mr. Toyota, has an unwavering affinity for beef.

When I arrived at around 6:30 PM, I greeted the other guests and made my way to the patio where the grill was. On the floor outside, bundled and bloodied in stacks of newspapers I saw several prime cuts of choice steak. I've mentioned before how rare the opportunity is for me to eat such high quality beef, so I feel as if there is no reason to express what is already obvious as my supreme excitement.

I'll skip through what happened at the dinner party and my glorious reunion with my beloved red meat, and I'll summarize by saying that I did not leave Mr. Toyota's house until well in the early morning. To this hour I cannot remember the process of leaving his house, getting back on my bike, and riding to my apartment. Because of how much alcohol I consumed, the events of the night are one gigantic interwoven blur.

Black out.

(Sounds of voices singing a celebratory tune wake me up in the morning. There was some sort of parade outside, I didn't bother finding out what for)

What the hell now? I wondered as I began to play the guessing game of 'what time could it be' that you play when you just wake up in the morning on your own.

"6 o'clock, 6 thirty?" I think to myself while rolling over to check the clock.

The clock read, 11:00.

Shit!! I'm an idiot!! As I sprang from my bed and threw off the covers all in one swift motion, I ran through all the possible excuses I could use so that I wouldn't get into serious trouble. I hastily fitted into my gray suit and pedaled like a madman to school hoping I could still make the ceremony and squeeze in unnoticed. When I got to school I opened the sliding door to the teachers office and gulped in anticipation of what would surely be my final hour as an employee of my school.

Laughter. A vicious thundering of laughter swept through the room as I made my way to my seat. The few who had noticed that I just arrived were quick to tell me that I smelled of alcohol, and that I must have a terrible hangover. They were wrong! It is impossible to have a hangover when you are still drunk! In short no one really cared which was fortunate enough for me, so I'm able to keep my job and live in this country. In my state of panic and confusion I still had the good idea to bring my camera, so here are some pictures.

Some girls I taught. The one in the front middle is Hajime, aka The Artist Formerly Known As Hajime. Isn't he adorable?



Daigo and Mori. I can't think of a better title for this picture than 'The Jock and the Nerd'. Can you tell which is which? Daigo (the jock) was only in my class because he had too many P.E. credits and mine was the only open class. Mori was very good at English.



2nd year students on the baseball team waiting for the 3rd year students to come out so they could give them individualized farewell presents. I told them all to look casual as I took the photo to make it seem more natural, yet they are all pretty much looking at the camera.




There is a gene in the genetic makeup of Japanese girls that requires them to flash a peace sign when someone says, "Hai, Cheeeezuuu."



After the graduation ceremony there was big party for the teachers. Everyone was lined up at the window because of the beautiful view of the beach.



After finding Patrick Stewart's long-lost twin brother, I had to get photographic evidence. (see other blog entry)



These are the women who worked like slaves to bring food and drinks to the rowdy mob I arrived with. The woman on the right was so old and feeble, she died shortly after taking this photo.