Sunday, June 26, 2011

Tales of Soccer and Eating

After rounding up some people to play soccer with, I found 3 teams throughout the week with which to ply my trade. The first was a team called the Pirates, who were made up mostly of British expats, and whose team chant after scoring goals is simply, "ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHH!" After going down initially 2-0 on a 25-man Japanese army, we rallied in the second half to win 9-2.

Next was a local team on Sunday called Central Park, and we were soundly crushed by a much younger team made up mostly of Chinese high school students. Seeing as how our defense consisted of standing in one spot while assigning other teammates to "mark up" on an opposing player making a dangerous run in the box, the end result of 5-2 was unsurprising.

Finally on Wednesday was a mid-week game played on a bumpy grass field against another team of tenacious Asians ready to run all over the place; I've since developed a strategy of going BALLS TO THE WALL on every tackle and it has paid off well, as no player has dared yet to try and take me off the dribble.


The fields where we play are decent for field turf, although a 1 PM kickoff in 90+ degree heat coupled with extreme humidity leaves me gasping for air like Arnold from Total Recall after he gets exposed to the Martian atmosphere.


One positive effect from playing so much soccer is that it leaves me with a tremendous appetite. My only criteria for choosing food at one of the random Hawker Centers rests squarely on whether or not they also sell beer, and so I found a nice spot near the mall at Clementi.


Roasted veggies in oyster sauce, broiled pork belly, spicy curry chicken soup, rice, and a Guiness all for about $10 USD. The dude at the stall gave me two bowls of rice because I guess he figured there was no way all that food was for one person hahaha...

Monday, June 20, 2011

We B Clubbin'

My first jet-lag free weekend saw me attend another night club by the name of Arena, where my friend was spinnin' some tracks commencing at around 12 AM. After dropping some OK beats, a live hip-hop band came out on stage and performed all my favorite hits like Move Bitch, Get Out the Way, and Put Yo Hands in the Err If U Fu**in' Tonight.

I don't see too many black dudes in Singapore, so I asked the lead singer/rapper what it was like to be a brotha in Asia, to which he smiled and said, "Cain't nobody fu** wit us." I smiled and nodded my head in agreement.

Clubs here in Singapore, much like the ones in the states, are designed to disorient your vision, hearing, and sense of judgment, until all of a sudden you realize you're sitting at a lounge table with rich Chinese college students ordering $500 bottles of brandy. When it was my turn to buy I decided to leave just as masterfully as I had entered their lovely circle.


My friend the DJ and her Chinese friend with the kind of haircut a $10,000 monthly allowance can buy you.

Next I wandered into a bar with live rock music, and the song that caught my ear was Led Zepplin's The Ocean. I jumped inside and bought myself a beer after hearing the opening line from the intro, and then immediately chugged my beer and left once the guy started singing.


Next weekends festivities include a BBQ at a soccer mate's $30K/month black and white colonial bungalow. The week after invloves a business trip to Mysore, India, where I hear some elephants came from the forest and attacked the local population, killing one.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Food Stuff

In order to balance the anxiety caused by the overpriced, modestly-sized housing in Singapore, access is provided to super cheap and delicious food to keep the occupants happy. So far I've sampled various fish noodle soups, or Laksa, curry Pratha, bone soup, fried bean curds, and steamed crab just to name a few. Believe it or not I've still not been very adventurous as there are several other dishes I've not yet mustered the courage to try.

Travel a few kilometers down any road and you come across these Hawker Centers.


on the inside...


On this particular day, the heavens closed down and it began to torrential downpour for about 15 minutes; and the thunderclaps here are the loudest I've ever heard IN MY LIFE. If you believe in creation myths or Norse mythology, I liken the sound to Thor having a serious case of the Bombay Belly, and then exploding all over Valhalla's porcelain commode.


Fried oyster omelette wtf?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Raised in the Projects


Over 70% of all residents here in Singapore live in some sort of government housing, including myself, where I was to spend the first few days with a colleague of mine until securing a flat on my own.

Mine's not nearly as nice as the one I'm currently staying in, but if you've ever apartment hunted in Singapore I don't need to tell you how difficult the whole process is. After spending much of the nights looking at potential housing, I decided to give myself a night out on the town once Friday arrived.

My local guide took me a to a few spots where some locals mix with the expats, and our final stop was this place called Attica. Dance hall, rave, strip club, and outdoor bar all rolled into one, only a $13 half-pint of Carlsberg ruined the occasion.


Had to keep it thug in da club, which is why this kid always lookin' hard as hell!!


Some girl came to the club already itchin to bust some skulls open when she hit the dance floor.


Borrowing my friend's letterman jacket to do the Heisman before I threw the glass across the room.


I could tell I was getting a little tipsy so I had to compose myself and ordered a Gin Tonic after doin' the Carlton.

Last but not least was late night food at 7AM. They have 24-hour McDonald's so it seemed like the natural selection.


I'll have a side of kernel corn with my value meal hahaha

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Bling Blingin' it With Penn 4

It seems as though ATMs in Singapore spit out in denominations of only $50s, so unfortunately this is not as baller as that $10K spot.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Goodbye Your Ballerness

After one of the most baller-ass sending off parties of all time, I'm back in Asia doin' hood rat stuff with all my friends. Here on the 13th floor of a high rise in Central Business District, I'm fighting with all my might the desire to pass out from jet lag.

I took a brief step outside to take a break, but immediately returned to the air-conditioned haven of a nearby arcade as the extreme humidity coupled with the confusion of my internal body clock had me feeling like I just inhaled Hades' shower mist.

Anyway, here some pictures of the sending off party...

My friend Nicki doing her best gangster-ass thug smilin'

Me and who-broke-the-ice Tino. CINCO HORAS DE ENERGIA!!!

Smoochie Boochies!

Brian tryin' to be like a mild-mannered Bruce Banner right before he HULK SMASHed 3 or 4 pitchers of Hoegarden.

Teaching mama Friedman how to thow up that WealthX gang sign.

almost there...

WEALTHX CLAN AINT NUTTIN TO FU** WIT!

I got a hundred dolla $ clip. I must be in NY.

this what happens when you drop out of model school.

me doin my gangster ass thug smilin' and Tino doin a "Va Fan Culo!"

Ivan reached around me and started caressing Josh's backside.