If I Were Captain Planet

In the quest for a job I've had little time to channel my creative energies into producing absolutely meaningless recreational material, which I'm sure a lot of you thoroughly enjoy. With the help of my future roommate Josh, I was able to cobble together an idea for this sketch entitled "If I Were Captain Planet"...

Olympic Tribute

I've been living at the famous Trott household while engaging in more vagabond activities these past few weeks. House parties...pool parties...you get the idea. The following pictures serve no other purpose than to showcase my awesome ability in poolside diving..

The Gainer... for those unfamiliar, the technique involves jumping forward off the platform while spinning backwards.



The Gainer 2... Much better form in this one.. notice how my legs are perfectly tucked into my chest. Meanwhile the awestruck, amateur onlookers take pointers while trying to learn from an experienced diver..



The Sloppy Backflip... In the background, Josh snubs his nose in complete dissatisfaction at the poor quality of my attempt.



The Superman...this perfectly executed dive needs no further explanation..

Nostalgia

Rummaging through some memorabilia I brought with me from Japan, I came across a few of my students' essays from an old writing test. The exhaustive prompt described a situation in which a college student must write a letter in email format to his professor, apologizing for being absent from a final; the student was admitted to the hospital because of a bike accident that occurred on the morning of the final.

Before grading the 200 or so essays I used to salivate with excitement: my students were unaware of their expert ability to thoroughly massage the organ in my body that is responsible for the perception of good-natured Japanese to English translation humor. I found these three responses that I personally inscribed on a scrap of paper I tucked away neatly into one of my books, with the purpose of finding it at some time far removed from my experience. They're short, but oh so sweet..


1. Oniki Yudai

I had a traffic accident this morning and I went to hospital. Don't worry. My body is good.
Bye.

2. Nakamura Hiroko

I couldn't have the math examination because I had been run over by a bike on Monday morning and i went to the hospital then.
Thank you.

3. Honda Ryuuji

I didn't take a math exam because when I ride a bike, a car attacked me.
PS - you are a great man

Vagabonding

Since the expiration of my contract in Yamaguchi prefecture, I've been living the nomadic life. I spent the first few days of my wandering existence as a happy camper at Fuji Rock 2008, a 3-day music festival held within the valley of a small lush mountain chain that lies north of Tokyo.

(The Presidents of the United States of America)


The view from our tent...


I saw the bands I wanted to see--The Presidents of the USA, The Fumes, Ben Folds, Grandmaster Flash--as well as a few bands which caught me by surprise. Gogol Bordello was quite the show; at the conclusion of their first song, "Ultimate", I felt as though I had wandered into the midst of a midnight Gypsy bacchanal in some forest deep within the Balkans. After their set on one of the main stages, they informed the crowd that our night of debauchery and lawlessness would extend well into the morning, as they would be playing another set at an indoor venue starting promptly at 3 AM.

I went. Somehow I managed to squeeze my way to the front of the stage and take this photo with my cameraphone.



For the rest of the show I was engaged with the crowd in a lively game of tug-of-war. As one throbbing mass of sweaty bodies, we were pulled and pushed this way and that, and we became very familiar with those bodies closest to us. When the highly energetic and drunk Japanese people discovered how to crowd surf effectively, you had to take a quick peek behind you every so often in order not to get knocked in the back of the head. Once a guy came overhead and since I was in the row before the stage, I had the honor of ungracefully dumping the gentleman onto the stage like a sack of grain. Only when the 400 pound man hit the hard wood floor of the stage did I gasp in shock at how we were even able to accomplish supporting such weight. The vibrant 1-2 tempo of all the songs Gogol Bordello played did not hinder our ability to jump in time with the music, and all had a good time.

I left this jocund festival with many good memories and a few tears in my eyes while waiting for the shuttle to take me to a Tokyo-bound shinkansen. I took a flight back to America the next day, and have heretofore been living like a gracious vagabond. In my recent adventures back in America, I went to a brewery in Atlanta with some old friends.

Josh is probably the goofiest guy I have ever seen..


At the brewery you pay $8 and receive a nice commemorative glass which they only fill half-way when you use one of your six coupon tickets, regardless of how many times you wink at the female bartenders, or tell them that you're Ben Harper's nephew.. I'm leaving on a plane to Boston tomorrow to participate in more migrant activities..

Old friends.. Same smiles..

Glorious Return

On my re-entry into the wonderful United States of America, my final destination was Pensacola, Florida, and the airport baggage handlers gave me a surprise I will never forget. When my brand new suitcase was slowly nudged towards me on the steel carousel, I promptly noticed the white tape wrapped haphazardly around my suitcase to prevent it from splitting open since it appeared as though someone had undone the latch. What I soon found out was that someone had instead completely annihilated the latch as if the contents of my suitcase were of incredible value.

After the receipt of such a glorious return present, I found a card from the Transport Security Administration tucked neatly inside. It read:

If the TSA security officer was unable to open your bag for inspection because it was locked, the officer may have been forced to break the locks on your bag. TSA sincerely regrets having to do this, however TSA is not liable for damage to your locks resulting from this necessary security precaution.

The part in bold is my favorite excerpt. Most would think at that moment I was in a state of complete and total rage, but on the contrary I felt relieved that the good members of our airport security are doing their best to keep America safe from dangerous expatriates from Japan who want to spread terrorism to the rich cultural city of Pensacola, Florida.

To save you a boring, trite summary of my last few days in Japan, as well as the overall experience, I leave you with a less interesting conclusion. The year I spent in 日本　ranks among being born as one of my most life-changing experiences.

I hope you've enjoyed the blog, stay tuned for scenes from my next life as a poor, single, 23 year old living in the bright lights of New York City.