A Brief Discourse on Human Nature

1. The Infamous Banana Nugget



Sitting at work I find myself confronted with two trivial concerns about why we do certain things as humans. The first can be inferred from the following non-verbal conversation from the point-of-view of a person eating a banana.

"Wow, banana you are healthy and delicious. I'm extremely satisfied that you are neither too mushy, nor are you so unripe that you taste like chalk."

"What's this? I'm almost finished with you? Oh, it's ok, I'll take one last bite of you, but I'm afraid I can't eat all of you. I'll leave just that little piece remaining in the peel despite the fact that the rest of you was pretty tasty, even though the chances are favorable that you'll be just as good too."

"But no, I'm sorry banana, I'll just pretend like the small piece of you I left in the peel that I'm holding between my thumb and forefinger doesn't even exist. I'll cover you up with the peel and there! I can't see you anymore."

Have you ever met anyone who ate the whole banana? I asked my supervisor, Ishida-sensei, if she ever ate the whole thing. She said she was afraid to. That pretty much solidifies this as a global mystery.


2. No Sarcasm? No Problem

The next trivial concern I've been annoyed with is the fact that most Japanese people are way too quick to tell you that you can speak perfect Japanese. Chances are that when you stop hearing people say this you've in fact become a very good speaker. If you still hear it, your Japanese is probably still shit. Here is a conversation I had with a random Japanese person a few months back, speaking in pretty simple Japanese.

"Dochira kara?" (where are you from)

"America no Georgia-shu desu." (I'm from Georgia, in America.)

"Nihon-go jouzu!!" (You are fluent!!)

(with a wry smile, the disappointment of having suffered this insult yet again, I reply..)

"Domo, mada heta dayo. Ei-go o shaberu?" (Thanks, but its still poor. Can you speak English?)

"Sukoshi dake. Ano, 'hello', toka, 'a friend in need is a friend indeed." (Only a little. I know, 'hello' and 'a friend in need is a friend indeed.')

Immediately, I seize the opportunity and say, "Ei-go Jouzu!!!" (You are fluent!!)

In spite of my blatant use of sarcasm, the woman laughed and cheered like a giddy schoolgirl. Because of my little trick, this woman now believes she can speak English well, which she most definitely could not. Sarcasm is not easily understood in this country, therefore I must contain myself so that upon returning to my home country, sarcasm capitol of the world, I don't lose too many friends because of effusive sarcastic remarks.

Crows 1, Alex 0

One of my friends took me to a locale in Hagi that I hadn't seen before, nor did I know it even existed. As we entered a cozy plaza reminiscent of an ancient roman square, instead of being demarcated by a monolithic obelisk, at the center there was a large pond whose irregular perimeter was closely followed by a wooden split-rail fence.



The air was still, but the sky was filled with hundreds of hawks following their own individual flight patterns, the combination of which would easily astound and confuse any person that happened to stumble upon this chaotic scene as we just did.

(I suggest clicking on this photo for a close-up. Its much more detailed).



They swoop down violently in packs to clutch with their beaks and pinions the morsels of bread people throw with childlike carelessness in their direction. Many engage each other in acrobatic, aerial assaults, the confusion of which is pandemic, owing to the mass disorder caused by a hundred or so hawks all flying within a space equivalent to the interior of a high school basketball gym.



Equally as ubiquitous are the herds of stray cats that gather in the small park near the pond. (Although they do not appear numerous in this photo, imagine the difficulty of trying to get all the cats to stay put long enough for me to snap a photo. Take my word for it, there were a lot of them.)



They are without owners or proprietors, but somehow manage to subsist even in the midst of this bitter winter. Since they are so used to people, and since the Japanese do not have sadistic-minded individuals bent on committing cruelty to helpless animals, most cats walk right up to you with absolutely no fear, purring angelically all the while.



Apart from the massive gathering of hawks, there were also a large number of grisly-looking crows prowling the scene for any scraps of food left behind by their cousins of the hunting variety. I remember making a derogatory comment to my friend while in the presence of one of those abhorred creatures about their ugly appearance and the repulsive quality of their caw, only to find that when I got back on my bike, one of the bastards shit all over my seat cushion.

Crows one, Alex zero.